If you have been on social media or watching the news the past week you have not been immune from the Rob Kardashian vs. Blac Chyna debacle. Yes it is a debacle. It has not been a secret. It was all over Instagram, and then when Instagram shut down Rob’s account the debacle moved over to Twitter. Whether or not you have been following the trending topic of the week or not Rob and Chyna have provided a few nuggets of wisdom that many of us can learn from. Here are four (4) things we can all learn from the Rob and Chyna drama.
Some people will never let you forget your past.
I am sure that if you ask a former addict or someone with a criminal record they will say that this is true. Once a ____ always a _____. It is as if people cannot change, improve, evolve or learn from their mistakes. Chyna is a former stripper turned rapper baby mama. Rob is the ostracized (maybe self imposed), isolated only son from the Kardashian family. He has recently and publicly dealt with issues of weight, self-esteem, and body image issues. Both of these people entered their relationship with problems, and like all of us they entered their relationship with baggage. It is safe to say that neither of them dealt with their past issues before moving into this relationship. This makes it easier for those around and outside of the relationship to keep bringing up their past.
The reality is that this is not your problem it is their problem. You have to not allow someone else’s opinion of you to change what you think about yourself. Only your opinion of yourself matters at the end of the day. Rob took China’s past as a stripper to contribute to the perception and judging of her character. Hence, the posting of the provocative photos of Chyna and the disclosure of her recent sexual activity. Chyna took advantage of Rob’s self esteem issues and his isolation from his family to put her in the role of confidant and supporter. However, when things soured in their relationship, she used his emotional issues to ‘get back’ at him. They both used the other’s past against them.
Remember, what others think about you is not important. What you think about yourself is what is important. While you cannot erase your past, your future is a blank slate and you can write a new page each and everyday. Use your past as a lesson, if not for you, for others and move on.
2. Sometimes we furnish the ammunition responsible for our downfall.
Chyna sending pictures to Rob of her engaged in activity with other men was maybe not the best decision she ever made. While many of us do things that we often regret this may not have been her best move. The drunk texts, the angry voicemails. the other ways that we display our anger or our hurt can often be used against us in the future. Be careful how you vent. Chyna sent pictures and Rob posted the pictures, mistakes on both parts. Now her business is blasted on social media and he is faced with potential criminal litigation for posting the pictures.
I am certain that during the course of their relationship there were many things that Rob disclosed to Chyna, thinking that this was the person that he was going to be with for the rest of his life. Some things get disclosed prematurely, and those things that were once shared in loving confidence can then become darts and daggers hurled against us by the very ones we loved and trusted the most. As my grandmother used to say, “Sometimes you need to hold your tongue”.
This is where good friends, support groups, therapist and/or life coaches come into play. Have someone around that can talk you off the proverbial ‘ledge’. In the current day of social media, a picture or a screenshot can last forever. Be mindful of how you allow your hurt or anger to play out. You may be providing someone with the tools to hurt you. A good friend, an emergency therapy session or a call to a life coach who will hold your deepest, darkest secrets in confidence, could have prevented this situation.
3. Some doors need to stay closed.
When some relationships end, they need to stay over. When relationships begin for the wrong reasons, they often end and end badly. The entire mash up of Chyna’s ex dating Rob’s sister, was just a hot mess going into this relationship. Rob may have been trying to get back at his family for feeling like an outsider, or maybe it was a major boost to his self esteem that Chyna showed him some attention. It has been posited that Chyna was trying to get back at the Kardashian family for her broken friendship with Kim and fact that her baby daddy was dating the youngest sister of the family.
Whatever the rationale, some doors need to stay closed. This was probably a relationship that never needed to happen. While Rob and Chyna have a beautiful daughter, their relationship has been reality television at its best from the very beginning. This is another instance where some wise counsel or a talk with a mental health professional may have been beneficial. It could have saved them and the world from all of this drama. But maybe not, after all, drama is how they make money.
4. Don’t have expectations of people who don’t care about you.
When Chyna was interviewed yesterday a reporter asked her if any of the Kardashians had reached out to her. What a horrible question. The Kardashians are HIS family not hers, why would they reach out to her? Maybe the reporter should have asked who was her support system. But to make it about the Kardashians was sensational journalism and in my opinion irresponsible. The Kardashians I am sure are rallying around Rob and making sure he is well since Chyna claims that he is threating to harm himself. Also, what type of care and concern could the Kardashians offer Chyna? This is the time for Chyna’s friends and family to rally to her side. There should be no expectations from people who ultimately probably care nothing about you.
Far too often we look for apologies or closure or hope from others who could care less about out well being. Do not offer anyone the keys to your happiness or your healing. You have to figure out what is best for you and what it would take for you to heal. If it is professional help, get professional help. If it is some time alone spend time alone. If it is time with your friends, spend time with your friends. Don’t wait for anyone else to give you permission to heal. Give yourself the permission, the space, the time, and the courage to heal and to move forward.
Relationships are some of the most complex things we deal with in life. When relationships go bad, things can be really bad, on the flip side when things are good they can be real good. Unfortunately there is never a right and wrong way to navigate a relationship but you do have to know what works for you and how you best function in relationships with others. Not all relationships that begin on the wrong page end up in a bad place. There are times when these relationships can survive if both parties put in the work to make then successful. This means real work you cannot finance or sex your way to a healthy, lasting relationship. Many have tried and failed.
While this is just 4 simple easy lessons that can be learned from this latest social media melee, there are so many more lessons deeply embedded in the dynamics that took place since these two became a couple. Social media does not make any of this any easier. In this day and age ALL of your business gets played out for everyone to see whether you are a celebrity or the average everyday John or Jane Doe. Keep in mind that there are many ways to keep your business out of the streets, but you have to do your part as well. We can often learn from the mistakes of others. Let this be a lesson we don’t have to repeat.